


Another Crack In My Heart

by mrpicard



Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Angst, Doomed Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-05
Updated: 2016-06-11
Packaged: 2018-07-12 10:26:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7099075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrpicard/pseuds/mrpicard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Picard has to deal with the fact that his ex lover Walker Keel is dead. Or... not?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This short story is set about two weeks after the episode "Conspiracy". It operates under the premise of "what if the parasite alien possessed officers lied and Walker Keel isn't dead after all".
> 
> Special thanks go to my friend Sehlat Vie, who gave me the final push to write this headcanon of mine down.
> 
> And, finally, this story references events that take place in "Male²", my other Picard/Walker Keel ficlet, which can also be found here.

 

Picard sighed deeply, turned away from the window through which he had been staring into space for the past hour and then walked back to his desk where he had spread out a certain collection of old holo-pictures.

He sat down and looked once again at the picture that he had found first when he had opened the small box in which he kept his collection. It showed two smiling young Starfleet officers named Jean-Luc Picard and Walker Keel, celebrating the two year anniversary of their first meeting in the very bar in which it had taken place.

Picard smiled to himself when he remembered how Jack had taken the picture and how he had teased Walker and him - not for the first time - with the words "You two look like such a happy couple".

It had been far more complicated.

After their first meeting in the bar and their passionate night afterwards, Walker and he had parted ways - only to meet each other again a few weeks later when they had both been invited to a conference on Pacifica. The four days there had been filled with beaches, sand and lots of lovemaking. Jack, being the ever-perceptive friend, had noticed Picard's drastically improved mood when he had returned, and when he had finally been told the reason he had insisted on wanting to "meet this Walker fellow".

The three of them had quickly become friends, and yet Picard and Walker had always denied the true nature of their relationship, a fact that Jack had never quite understood. "You send subspace messages as soon as your ships are in range, you meet whenever you can, you sleep with each other - why don't you two simply admit to yourselves that you're together?"

' _He was right,_ ' Picard thought. ' _Walker and I **were** a couple, but we were too young and too focused on our careers to care._ '

Their careers had eventually also been what had split them up. Both of them had had various missions in different parts of the quadrant without a way of contacting each other for weeks, and after a while this had begun to take its toll on their relationship. They had spoken less and less, and then one day Picard had received a message from Walker in which he had told him all about his handsome new science officer and how happy he was with him. It had hit Picard much harder than he had expected and he had suddenly realized just _how_ much Walker really meant to him, but he hadn't said anything - on the contrary, he had wished him all the luck in the world. The two of them had never talked about it, but Picard still considered that message to be the very moment in which their relationship had turned into the deep friendship that it had been until Walker's death two weeks ago.

" _Riker to Picard._ "

Picard looked up. "Picard here."

" _Captain, I'm sorry to disturb you this early in the morning, but there's a high priority message for you from Starfleet Command._ "

"Put it through, Number One." Picard switched on the console on his desk and was rather surprised when he recognized the caller. "Gregory...?!"

Admiral Quinn smiled. " _Hello, Jean-Luc._ "

"How are you?"

" _I'm just fine, thank you. I was forced to take a week off after that parasite incident, but I'm back to normal now._ "

"I'm glad to hear that. What can I do for you?"

" _I have some interesting news._ "

"Oh?"

" _I just had a brief conversation with Walker Keel._ "

Picard stared at the screen. "What...?!"

" _They found him on Dytallix B the day before yesterday,_ " Quinn continued, oblivious to the real reason behind Picard's shocked face. " _He'd have been stuck there for quite some time if it hadn't been for a transport ship passing by. They picked up life signs and decided to investigate._ "

"Wait, you mean... he wasn't aboard the Horatio when she exploded?"

Quinn shook his head. " _No. His first officer apparently had one of those parasites in his neck - Keel says he was most likely responsible for leaving him behind on Dytallix, and when the crew got wind of that they probably mutinied and the ship blew up in the process._ "

"Where is Walker now?"

" _That's where **you** come in,_ " Quinn replied. " _He's still on that transport ship, I've already sent you the coordinates. Your orders are to pick him up and give him a much faster ride back to Earth. Starfleet is so eager to talk to him in person that they're willing to send the flagship._ " He leaned forward. " _A favor, please?_ "

 _"_ Yes...? _"_

" _Be gentle with Keel. The loss of the Horatio has hit him pretty hard._ "

"I understand."

" _I knew you would. Thank you, Jean-Luc - and good luck._ "

The screen went dark and Picard stared at it, his mind reeling.

Walker.

He was alive.

 _ **Alive**_.

But... at what cost?


	2. Chapter 2

 

"I can't shake off this dreadful feeling that losing the Horatio was my fault."  
  
Picard put his hand on Keel's shoulder. "It wasn't, and you know it."  
  
"It _would_ all have turned out differently if I had been aboard."  
  
"That is by no means certain. I'd say your first officer would have found another - and probably more deadly - way to incapacitate you."  
  
"But at least my crew would still be alive," Keel muttered and rubbed his forehead. "This whole thing only happened because I got too close to the truth without being careful enough to hide my suspicions. I guess I should be lucky they just left me behind and didn't end it right there with a torpedo from orbit. Or maybe...  that's what they should have done."

Picard gently squeezed Keel's shoulder. "Please... don't talk like that."  
  
"I mean it. Imagine this had happened to you. How would you feel?"  
  
"I _have_ lost a ship, Walker."  
  
"Yes, but you didn't lose the Stargazer's crew along with her. And she wasn't destroyed."  
  
"It was a rather traumatic experience anyway, I can assure you that. And yet I always tried to focus on what was ahead."  
  
"What _is_ ahead, though? A court martial, that's what."  
  
"That's standard procedure. You weren't even aboard the Horatio. You won't be blamed for her destruction."

"Tell that to the families of my dead officers."  
  
"I haven't heard a single one of them blaming you for anything," Picard said softly. "The only one who is eager to blame Walker Keel is... Walker Keel."  
  
"It's not the only thing I blame myself for."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"You know what I thought of while I was wandering around on Dytallix, looking for food? I worried about the Horatio - but I just as much worried about the Enterprise and you, because I knew you believed what I'd told you about what was going on in Starfleet, even though you pretended not to. I also knew you'd pursue the matter just as forcefully as I did, and I worried about your fate being much worse than mine seemed to be." Keel put his hand on Picard's. "You still mean a lot to me. You always have."

"That feeling is mutual," Picard admitted and looked at the hand.  
  
Silence.  
  
Keel cleared his throat. "I... umm... I heard Gregory offered you the Academy a little while ago?"  
  
"He did, yes."  
  
"You could ask him about that again."  
  
"What?"  
  
"It would be a good excuse for you to move to San Francisco - right where I will be for the next few months. We... umm... could spend some time together...?"

"Walker, I can't let personal feelings guide my career decisions. As much as the idea of spending time with you intrigues me, my first obligation is to the Enterprise and her crew. You're a fellow starship captain, you of all people should understand."  
  
"You're right," Keel sighed. "It was a stupid idea." He glanced at the window. "How long will it take for the Enterprise to reach Earth?"  
  
"Four days, why?"  
  
"Hmm. We had four days on Pacifica as well - we made the most of it, remember?"

"That was a long time ago."  
  
"Maybe not _too_ long," Keel muttered - and then he suddenly leaned forward and kissed Picard.  
  
The captain of the Enterprise tensed and pulled away. "Please, don't."  
  
"Jean-Luc, I'm not asking for a relationship..."  
  
"Then what _is_ it you're asking for?"  
  
"Someone to talk to...?"

Picard raised an eyebrow. "I have a feeling that talking is the _last_ thing on your mind right now. After all, we _are_ sitting on your bed."  
  
Keel smiled sheepishly. "You got me."  
  
Picard shook his head. "You're still as hopelessly reckless as you used to be."  
  
"Whatever possessed you to get involved with me back then, right?"  
  
"I know exactly what it was," Picard said dryly. "Among other things, it was that very recklessness."

"And I've always been attracted to your strong sense of responsibility. Although, right now, I could do without it."  
  
Picard harrumphed. "I couldn't - and neither could you, because it's stopping both of us from making a very big mistake."  
  
"I wouldn't call it a mistake."  
  
"I _would_. We can't turn back time, Walker, as much as we both would like to."  
  
"Alright, I get it." Keel squeezed Picard's hand. "Would you at least have a cup of tea with me later this afternoon?"  
  
"Of course. Even two, if you want - I can be reckless too, you know?"


End file.
